there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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