I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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