the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
