the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
