I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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