I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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