Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
