I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I will be naked everywhere
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
