Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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