Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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