Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My breasts were aching with rage.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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