standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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