dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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