1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
