you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
