i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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