if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Come see our sink grown plant.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
