I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
