party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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