fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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