you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
