I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
