Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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