So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
