are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
