I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
