I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
