Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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