Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
