We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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