New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
