i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
