Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
