3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
