I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
