Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
