i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
