boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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