I like to think it a success when the cops are called
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
