I hate your face
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
