I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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