I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
