Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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