You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
