you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
