i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
