Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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