So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
