Non-Jews are for practice
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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