OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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