I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
