I just cut my nipple shaving
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
