if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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