True but thats because hes a fetus.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
